omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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