I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
