Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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