Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.

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  (434): I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach. http://tfl.nu/7n8a
  Replies (14) Good night (4099) Bad night (636)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.

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  (207): Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete. http://tfl.nu/jsd4
  Replies (21) Good night (3486) Bad night (482)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (4087) Bad night (1467)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.

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  (901): I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus. http://tfl.nu/pp37
  Replies (14) Good night (5044) Bad night (1351)
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  (845): View more from New York

  mondays should just be called national damage control day

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  (845): mondays should just be called national damage control day http://tfl.nu/14ab
  Replies (15) Good night (4722) Bad night (725)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze

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  (305): we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze http://tfl.nu/vupv
  Replies (14) Good night (5562) Bad night (959)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

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  (802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo
  Replies (14) Good night (1102) Bad night (5746)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo

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  (317): We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo http://tfl.nu/qbn3
  Replies (14) Good night (824) Bad night (1778)
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  (510): View more from California

  I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.

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  (510): I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA. http://tfl.nu/zpwo
  Replies (5) Good night (1350) Bad night (498)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH

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  (973): he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH http://tfl.nu/asic
  Replies (8) Good night (1134) Bad night (632)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.

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  (740): omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause. http://tfl.nu/xm5u
  Replies (4) Good night (1433) Bad night (425)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

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  (516): My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently? http://tfl.nu/xsqm
  Replies (5) Good night (492) Bad night (881)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks

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  (501): It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks http://tfl.nu/tmia
  Replies (1) Good night (255) Bad night (477)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power

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  (717): Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power http://tfl.nu/b63n
  Replies (4) Good night (634) Bad night (179)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.

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  (973): I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone. http://tfl.nu/3l6f
  Replies (1) Good night (253) Bad night (376)

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