If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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