It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
