I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
