I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
