Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
