You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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