so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
