Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
