she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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