Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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