she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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