but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
