You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My vagina is officially offended.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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