Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
