Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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