We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
