smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
pop tarts are not kleenex
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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