Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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