At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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