Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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