He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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