I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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