i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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