i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
