I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
