Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
