I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
