If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
