is your mom at the bar?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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