dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
