It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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