you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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