How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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