she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
