But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
