He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
