Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
