i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
