your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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