I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
