My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
