dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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