This is not my ceiling
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
