i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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