If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
