Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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