did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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