cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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