yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.