you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
