I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
