Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
