My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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