i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
