So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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