I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
