you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am available for nakedness
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