I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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