Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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