I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
