He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
