and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
