she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
