I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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