he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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