Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
