Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize